yeah, i’m THAT guy January 9, 2009

 

I’m obsessed with popcorn and there’s no need to deny it.  I eat the Smart Pop kind so I don’t feel guilty about having it all the time but there are very few days that go by without it.  In New York, my old roommate and I would each go through a bag every night and trying to separate us from our popcorn bowls was like stripping a starved, rabid dog of a t-bone.  Not even the Dog Whisperer could do that (and I love me some Cesar Millan).

 

Usually I can make it all day without having any until I get home but recently I’ve found that I’m absolutely, without a doubt worthless from 5:00 – 6:00 p.m. if I haven’t eaten anything since lunch.  And I don’t want anything heavy since I’m thisclose to going home and chowing down on whichever Lean Cuisine or 30 Minute Meal is in store for the night. 

 

But yesterday I broke what I now understand to be the cardinal rule of sin and made a bag of popcorn in the office microwave.  It turned out to be an experience like making fish sticks or reheating salmon but instead of giving off a raunchy smell, it spread the most delicious buttery golden aroma throughout the entire floor – unfortunately, making everyone want some. 

 

I walked down the hallway and heads popped up from their cubicles like little groundhogs and I realized I couldn’t get to my desk fast enough.  Now I’m not greedy and I can certainly share (I’m Southern – all we do is share and host), but I also buy 100-calorie bags and there just isn’t enough for 16 people in those little suckers.

 

So since no one was brave enough to ask me for any and I only offered to those immediately surrounding my desk (with an “I’m not really offering any, but sure, you can have some if you want” tone), I ate my popcorn with such a guilty feeling that the next time I decide to do it – if I ever do it in the office again – I will not only bring regular size bags, but I’ll bring six boxes of them so I can pass it out like Halloween candy.